Never Lose You

You never know where you’ll end up in a day, a week, a month, even a year. As I am sitting here writing this I can honestly say I cannot believe this is my new life; my new journey. I am a single 25-year-old woman; who has a great job, a diploma in Interior Decorating, a great support system, a cute apartment, a good heart, and fire spirit.
The past 5-6 months have been nothing, but an emotional roller-coaster. Today, I can honestly say I now truly realized I am the author of my own book. I decide what my next chapter is going to be.
I understand that healing takes time, but what I didn’t realize until I spoke with my mom on the phone is that; I will only slow down my healing and growth process by going out and masking my pain in UNHEALTHY ways. As I was on the phone with my mom she said many things to me, but one thing hit me in the heart the most.
She said:
“Alyssa, what I am afraid of is you get to the point of hating yourself and you lose that good spirit. You lose yourself.”  
I immediately broke down in tears because it took me years to become the person I am today. I fought so hard to love myself. I shredded weight, tears, and hair as I was blossoming into ME. One thing I know for sure is, I do not want to lose me. I never want to lose me, ever again.
I took time out to reflect and give myself a self-assessment and I determined ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. No more masking my pain! As my mom stated, “it is okay to feel pain, it is okay to cry, it is okay to punch your pillow, it is okay to scream.” It is okay to feel your pain. Without pain, we cannot learn. We cannot grow into warriors. We cannot blossom. “You grow through what you go through.”
You choose how you heal and grow. It is your decision to make, as it is your journey. Just pay attention to yourself and really know if what you are doing is bettering you or destroying you.
Keep blossoming with me,

 

September 18, 2018
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